I am really very tired.
No energy.
The Nursigator says that Taxol keeps sufficient oxygen from getting into my red blood cells, thus the lack of energy.
My brain feels depleted, too.
No more nursigator. I must not have been listening when I first agreed to participate in the study that provided Nursigators to newly-diagnosed cancer patients, when they said the study lasted only 16 weeks.
I had other things on my mind.
Like being told I had cancer, and that they were going to torture me during the weeks it took to diagnose my condition, and that they were going to take a chunk of my breast and a chunk of my armpit out, and that my breast would slosh around with the fluid that filled in the cavity until it filled back in with tissue, and that they were going to leave a drain in, and that maybe my arm would swell up permanently, and that they were going to give me weekly and semi-weekly doses of poison over many months, and that they were going to point a beam of radiation at my body five days a week for seven weeks, etc.
I'll miss the Nursigator. She's been like a tether with her weekly phone calls. She didn't succeed in normalizing my treatment, but she did succeed in telling me what I'm going through is normal for treatment.
In a weird way, that was comforting.
That's what drives me crazy about all this. The idiocy of knowing that my symptoms are normal for being poisoned.
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