"Is that a man or a woman?!?"

I visited my Aunt Rachel on Friday. She's in West Seattle, rehabbing and racing other seniors up and down the hall in their walkers.

Rachel critiques rehab's chowder for Epicurious Magazine

When I got there, she was sitting in a dining area, contemplating a bowl of chowder that she clearly did not think much of. I sat with her there for a while, and heard a woman behind me bark "Who's that?! Who's that?!"

The interrogator was being fed by what looked like family member or friend. Rachel told her "She's my niece."

A staff-person brought Rachel a plate with what appeared to be three spears of canned asparagus, an attempt at festive pilaf and some sort of fish chunks in a taupe sauce with flecks of grass clippings. Rachel said "I'll eat the asparagus."

It's what I would have gone for.

She needed salt, so I turned to Miss Congeniality behind me and asked if I could borrow their salt. The friend/family member said "Of course!" She was grasping for any sort of civil interaction with another human.

"What's she doing?!" the inmate sounded indignant.

"I'm visiting my aunt," I told her with the tone in my voice I used to use with argumentative patients in a psychiatric hospital.

Rachel shows off 2/3 of her new mobility aids

I gave Rachel the salt. She did an excellent imitation of my dear mother by coating the asparagus in a layer of it. I returned the salt to my new friends.

Before my BFF could spew forth her continued interrogation, I said in a loud voice to ensure she got my message without being able to read my lips "Why am I wearing a mask?"

"You've got a cold!" she stated as if it was fact.

"No, I'm wearing a mask because I'm on chemotherapy and you might make me sick!" Her demeanor changed.

A few moments later she countered with "Is that a man or a woman?!"

I turned to her. "I'm a woman. What are you?"

"A woman."

"Good," I complimented her, "Then we're on the same team!"

I could have sworn I saw a sparkle in her eye.

After a few minutes, Rachel and I returned to her room. On the way out of the dining area, I waved at the grouch and she waved back and smiled.

Once in her room, I took off my mask. I shouldn't have, because Rachel had been coughing and her former roommate had pneumonia. But dammit, I wanted her to be able to see my mouth move as I talked to her.

I wish I could see the little germs, bacteria and viruses that are perpetually trying to break down my force field of masks, hand disinfectant, hand-washings and pleadings to my Household Gods. 

My Household Gods

That way, if I saw where they are and how formidable they are, I'd know when it was okay to slack off a little.